An Excerpt From A Book I’ll Never Write..

So, here I am with my next post which is a short love thriller. Expect only the unexpected while you read it.

It was another overcast day with occasional thunders in Mumbai, and Kabir as always went to the book store to buy his new stock of drugs. As he drove he was mulling over a list of books he planned to buy and read. “Hey! where can I find ‘Me Before You’ by Jojo Moyes?” Kabir asked the helper at the store. “Go straight and take left after two blocks and look in the fiction section” he replied.
As he was gazing at the shelf suddenly he spotted the book he wanted and as he tried to pick it up, simultaneously a hand came on the same book out of nowhere. He stood perplexed. The hand was of a girl who stood aside him. As soon as they both looked at each other, in course of normal discipline each of them insisted the other person to take the book, but neither of them picked it up. The girl proposed an option that they can go and take another copy of the same from the store manager. Kabir agreed to it and took the book. As they asked for another copy of the book, the store manager said that it’s the last copy of the same after checking the inventory. Kabir insisted her to take the book but she refused and said it’s Okay. She proposed that she will read it after Kabir is done with it, in order to reduce some of his embarrassment. To which Kabir agreed, followed by which she dropped her number and her name on the book and both left.

Some days passed and as Kabir was done reading the book, he decided to drop a text to Amayra for giving her the book. Both decided to meet at a cafe nearby to Amayra’s place.
Kabir reached there on time and was shocked when he realized Amayra also reached within two minutes of his arrival. Both greeted each other and took a table. Kabir couldn’t resist himself from asking her that he found it strange that she didn’t made him wait as most girls do. To which she replied “Most girls are stupid!” and both laughed. “So, what’s your genre in books?” asked Amayra. “I generally prefer fiction but I have no problem in reading other genres also, what do you prefer?” he reverted. “I like reading about people or you can say biographies, it makes you understand different personalities and their thought process” she replied. “Which means you are good at analyzing people, aren’t you?” said Kabir. “Why do you think I am sitting here with a guy of whom I don’t even know the name?” she replied with a wink and smiled. “Oh! sorry my bad, my name is Kabir” he said with embarrassment to which she reverted “it’s all cool”.
The frequency and intensity of these caffeine meetings grew with time as Kabir in his subconscious mind was somewhat attracted to her not so common persona.
One day while sitting on a hilltop with a deep valley in front and lush greens all around suddenly Kabir said breaking the silence, “Isn’t it strange that the most beautiful things in life are also the most dangerous ones to life.” To which Amayra replied, “Excuse me, what?” “Oh! sorry I said it in the context of this beautiful view and greenery along with this deep valley.” “I totally understand the context you said and the context you meant, so don’t try to outsmart me.” she reverted and further added “Sometimes I don’t understand why everything you say has both a literal meaning for everyone and a covert meaning for the people who are smart enough to understand, you know how to play with words.” “Really? well no one said me something like this before today.” Kabir replied with a smile. “Maybe you never came across a smart person before today” she added. “I am impressed” he said.” “Well I just stated what I felt,it wasn’t meant to impress you as to me people who need to be impressed aren’t worth impressing.” replied Amayra with wit. “Oh! that was heavy on me” Kabir said as both laughed.
A couple of years passed like this and they never realized when those long discussions on books and authors brought them so close.
One fine day, while watching a funny show Amayra murmured, “every comedian has his own dark side!” to which Kabir nodded in yes. “What’s your dark side tell me, Mr. Humorous?” she asked him. “Mine? no, i am quite happy and bright” he replied with a smile. “I think you forgot that I am good at analyzing people you can fool anyone but not me.” “But why you even want to see the dark side?” he said. “Bright side is easier to love, and love never said I am going to be easy“. “Accepted, but let’s keep it aside as of now.” said Kabir to end the discussion. But in his mind Kabir knew it’s all about that one person you can never fool.

“Please drive fast, or else I am screwed today” Kabir yelled at the cab driver. “Mumbai traffic has its own rules and life, and they change for none, Saheb!” replied the driver. A fact Kabir already knew.
Somehow Kabir reached the party before the last ones left, but by then everything was done and dusted, and in his mind he knew although the birthday party was over but the bash was still left. His eyes searched for her with a hope not to find her, but all in vain and there she stood all set to release her rage.
“Happy Birthday” said Kabir in a very low and childish tone giving her the present he bought. “Ah! why so early may I ask?” she said. “Please don’t be sarcastic you know how it is in Mumbai traffic on weekdays” he reverted. “Oh! I am sorry my birthday landed on a weekday, it’s my fault” she replied instantly. “When did I say it’s your fault? (In order to end the argument he accepted the mistake) and said “sorry”, which she accepted. On that day he realized females can forgive you even if you are “innocent”. Yep Amayra was a different kind of girl, but at the end she was a girl (genetically weird organisms).

As days passed by, they both knew what they wanted. Kabir decided to propose her and he made sure everything was in place and on the day which was fixed he took Amayra for a drive in the outskirts of the city where he had made all the arrangements.
“At least tell where are we heading?” asked Amayra. “You’ll come to know about it soon, stay calm”. As they drove suddenly a blustering sound came followed by quietude, as they were hit by a bus.
Amayra opened her eyes and found herself in hospital surrounded by Kabir, and some Doctors & nurses. “What happened to me Kabir?” she asked in a very unsettled tone. “Shhsh! stay calm it’s all good, we just met with a small accident” he reverted while making her comfortable. “But why I am not able to recall anything about it?” she asked with anxiety. “You may have lost some memory of that moment due to shock which is normal, furthermore you were unconscious from past 24 hours, don’t pressurize yourself too much or else you ‘ll end up getting severe headaches” replied the doctor.
“Come I’ll drop you home and then carry on with some other work I have got” asked Kabir and they left.

After Some days….
‘The number you are trying to call is not answering‘ a message Amayra heard hundreds of times while trying to contact Kabir that day.
At last he received the call and Amayra as expected in an irritated tone yelled at Kabir for not receiving her calls, to which Kabir didn’t reply and ignored.
Things like these started to happen quite frequently in their lives. They didn’t met for days. A wall was clearly visible between them. The roots of which Amayra constantly tried to cut and Kabir tried to nurture. The gap between them was widening with conflicts which sometimes turned out to be very serious. Amayra was not able to understand whatever was happening nor she was able to conclude the reasons of it. One day she decided to talk to Kabir about all this with a view to sort things between them, but Kabir didn’t took her seriously and advised her to leave if it was getting difficult for her with him and said “may be you chose the wrong one to love” to which she replied “we don’t get to choose whom we love” with sadness clearly visible on her face.
She stood perplexed when she realized that how different things were just a month ago. “No, I can’t be that wrong in analyzing people, I have seen the dark side of him and even after that I am staying no matter what, maybe it’s just a bad phase” she thought in her mind. Even after Amayra’s efforts which were capable to move mountains his loathing for her didn’t reduced.
And finally one day she saw something which changed her mind completely. Kabir had another girl in his life. She realized now it was not just a question of compatibility rather a much bigger issue in comparison to it i.e. loyalty. She went and in front of them, with no idea of what to do. All three of them stood in silence. She left after some moments, disheartened with downcast eyes, without even asking “Why?”
 Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years and so on and none of them tried to cross each others paths after that.

#phone rings 
“Hello, is this Amayra?”
“Yeah, Amayra here, who’s this?” replied Amayra
“It’s Ahaan, I am back in India” a voice reverted from the other side.
“Hey! Ahaan that’s great news” Amayra replied with elation.
“So, when are we meeting?” she added.
“Your call, my lady and any which ways as if my wishes mattered in front of yours from childhood” he replied as both laughed.
“Ok! my place @7?” asked Amayra.
“Done” replied Ahaan.

 #Doorbell rings
And Amayra opens the door welcoming Ahaan as they exchange hugs.
“Where’s he? I am eager to meet the person bearing with my bizarre childhood friend for more than two years” asked Ahaan in his innocence.
“We aren’t together anymore” reverted Amayra with a smile not so real.
“What? Why? I mean if I may ask?” he replied in a bewildered state of mind.
“Hey, don’t be stupid, you can” she said and further told him about what all happened, in the recent past.
“I don’t know how to react and what to say. All I can say is what’s the plan now?” added Ahaan.
“As of now no plan. Sometimes it’s a good plan to have no plan at all” she replied.
“Oh! typical Amayran deep thoughts” murmured Ahaan to make her laugh a little and further added “still it’s the beginning, there is long way to go, I hope you haven’t given up on love?”
“Sometimes I think I might have, I am good on my own. Caring for someone only makes us weak, they think you care, they’ll walk all over you” said Amayra.
“Oh! our very own Harvey Specter” he said and both laughed. “As you always say, we don’t get to choose whom we love” said Ahaan while thinking something.
“….but we get to choose whom we live with” she said in continuation.
“Yeah and maybe the best is yet to come?” he said in a convincing tone.
“Or who knows if it as already came” replied Amayra.
“Sorry! I didn’t get you” he reverted.
“Na Nothing! ignore it” she insisted.


Ahaan took great care of her from the day he came to knew about everything. He was the new pillar,new ear,new shoulder Amayra could rely on and she knew that.
“Hey, Amayra let’s go out and party today” said Ahaan.
“Sorry, Ahaan I am not in a mood” she reverted.
“Come on don’t be so rigid, who knows if you might find someone better?” he insisted.
“Why should I look for better when the best is in front of me?” she murmured.
And this statement of hers was followed by a awkward silence for couple of minutes, which Ahaan tried to break by saying “but I never thought about you like that”.
“Neither did I, but things change” Amayra replied.
I don’t know how to react” he stated.
“You don’t know how to react or you aren’t able to accept my past?” she reverted.
“Do you think I am so moronic, that I can’t accept someone’s past?” he said and further added “I think I should leave as of now for peace of mind of both”.
“So you are also leaving?” she said with a hollow laugh.
“I am never leaving you, you have my word and you know I am a man of words” he said.
“Yeah, I know but I hope whatever reply you come up with for whatever I suggested, it will not change the relation we shared?” she asked.
“Never” he replied and left.

Ahaan thought about it and concluded to give it a try and luckily it turned out to be in their favor. Both got married after a short span of time and lived happily thereafter. Maybe one more time friendship superseded love.

Now, Amayra was in her mid fifty’s. One fine day as she was maneuvering in the nearby markets an old man came across and greeted her, whom she didn’t recognize. He said he was a retired surgeon from the city hospital, to which she nodded in acceptance and asked how did he knew her. “I have treated you for a severe accident you met some thirty years back” said the doctor. 
 “I don’t think it was that severe and even if it was how you are able to remember me even after thirty years?” she replied.
“What is serious if yours was not a serious one?” he asked in surprise and added “you were in coma for one and a half month continuously and under my surveillance, and no one apart from the guy who took care of yours visited you and when I asked him about your family and relatives he said you had no one in this world and were raised as an orphan. I don’t think any doctor would have forgotten a case like this” replied the doctor.
“But I have a family and I wasn’t an orphan” said Amayra.
“In that case I can’t say why he did all this and with what intent” said the doctor.
“Please sir tell me whatever you know about all this as it has put a question mark on my life and I need to know what all happened to me back then” she asked with anxiety.
“I can’t help you much as you weren’t even conscious till your case was with me and I couldn’t even try much at that time as you were very critical. The last update of yours I have is that the guy with you wanted to take you to better and senior surgeons so he made you discharged from our hospital” updated the doctor.
“Can you tell me where he took me?” questioned Amayra.
“I don’t have any idea but you can definitely get some information from our hospital records” suggested the doctor giving her his card. And Amayra instantly employed herself in solving this mystery of her own life.

Amayra visited the City Hospital and asked the respective authorities to open her case papers created at the time of her treatment but all her efforts went in vain as they said all the case papers were being collected by a person named Kabir and they showed her Kabir’s signature as proof of the same. At last she asked them to at least tell in which hospital was she referred to. After checking the details the authorities told that she was sent to GNC hospital. Amayra and Ahaan went to the said hospital and found no admission of a person named Amayra was done in the days near about the day of her discharge. Both came back to City Hospital and told them whatever they found. Amayra demanded the details of ambulances used on that day so that the driver who dropped Amayra could be traced.The receptionist opened the records of ambulances used to discharge patients at that time but all the data on the day of her discharge was erased. Ahaan lost his temper and threatened to file a fraud suit on the hospital. Amayra kept her cool and requested them to provide the details of all the drivers employed by the hospital at that time but the hospital authorities refused to share the information after which Amayra contacted the doctor she met at the market and told her about the issue. The retired doctor commanded the authorities to help them in each possible way and thus they both got the details of the drivers.
They visited each driver they could contact and none of them had any idea about her situation, but one driver got tensed when told about the whole story and listening the names of the people involved, which Ahaan noticed and he forced him to tell the truth, but he didn’t opened his mouth. Amayra broke into tears and requested him to open up as she had every right to know what all happened to her. Ahaan made him believe that no bad would come to him as they are just seeking his help to know the truth. The driver finally told that he was paid 20000 bucks by Kabir to drop them to Life Care Hospital instead of GNC hospital and stay quiet about it. Furthermore, he fixed the receptionist’s meeting with Kabir to whom Kabir paid to destroy all the documents related to Amayra for that day in the hospital’s database.
All this blew their mind as they weren’t able to infer what all was running through Kabir’s mind.
“He was a nemesis to me all my life and I couldn’t even realize. I don’t know what he wanted” said Amayra to Ahaan in tensed tone.
“We can’t just sit and predict what happened, we need to go to Life Care Hospital to know the truth, but we’ll only move forward if you are ready to face the truths which might unfold, or else we can move on, forget all this and stop digging the past” said Ahaan in a concerned tone.
“It’s about my life, I am ready to face anything to get answers to the questions about my own life” reverted Amayra in a very determined tone.

They reached Life Care Hospital and asked details of a patient named Amayra on the date she was discharged from City Hospital and luckily they found the records. A sense of relief came on Amayra’s face. They took the available case papers and visited the surgeon who treated her in the hospital. He was the same surgeon who said don’t think too much as you might get severe headaches on the day of her discharge thirty years back.
“Hello Sir, I am Amayra one of your ex patient” said Amayra to the doctor sitting in his cabin.
“Hello Ma’am, how can I help you?” said the doctor.
“Actually I was brought to you by a person named Kabir, as I met with a serious accident according to the best of my knowledge. I was in coma for one and a half month before I was brought here” she updated.
“Yeah, I remembered just now. You were very critical, the person who brought you here said you both met with an accident two days back and you were referred here from City Hospital as your health made no progress there, but you are saying you were in coma for more than a month?” the doctor added.
“Yeah, I don’t know why he lied to you” she said.
“By the way did he returned from Sidney after his treatment and was it successful?” the doctor asked.
“I have no idea about his whereabouts, but what sort of treatment are you talking about?” said Amayra.
“I don’t know if you knew about it but all I can say is that he himself suffered from last stage brain tumor and seeing his reports I could only say he did not had much time left” said the doctor and added “Maybe that’s the reason why I still remember your case as it’s a strange thing that although he was at his last stages he didn’t gave up on you and did everything to give you a healthy life again, I hope he told you the other truths as well.
“What? he suffered from brain tumor? But he never told me about this. And what other truths are you talking about, please tell me it’s really important….” asked Amayra in a very shocked tone and before she could finish nurse opened the door in a very panicky manner and said with trepidation that they have a very serious emergency case for the doctor. The  doctor told “I’ll take your leave, please pardon” and left.
Amayra and Ahaan were shocked to hear about all this and suddenly all those conflicts, Kabir’s bad behavior, his ignorance,his loathe for her, their break up started to make sense to Amayra and she could understand everything even with the small information she got. Suddenly the world started to drown for her as she broke into tears.
Both of them headed home and Amayra during the whole journey didn’t uttered a single word and neither did Ahaan forced her as he understood her situation. A couple of days passed by and Amayra was still quiet, immersed in her own thoughts and didn’t interacted much with anyone. Ahaan finally decided to talk to her and in a very concerned tone asked her what all is running through her mind?
To which she initially didn’t replied but after being forced finally opened up and said,”He suffered so much and instead of helping him, I left. I know I was unaware of the facts but still a wrong was done by me”. “It’s was not your fault, anyone in those set of conditions would have done the same” reverted Ahaan. “Can I tell you something which is running through my mind from a couple of days” asked Amayra. “You don’t require permissions, go on” he said. “I still don’t know the whole truth, I don’t know if he survived, I don’t know what other truths that doctor was talking about, I wanted to know everything but I was not sure how would you react to my concern about Kabir, so I couldn’t gather the courage to talk to you about it” said Amayra in a very low tone. “You don’t need to explain me anything as I know you don’t feel anything about him in that way now, but at the same time I know he has always had a special place in your heart which I don’t have any intent or right to destroy, I am with you in whatever you plan to, as always” said Ahaan. “Ty” she said.
“We will contact that doctor again, but before that lets check the medical case papers of your’s we got from Life Care Hospital so we at least understand what all happened with you and how serious was your case?” said Ahaan after which Amayra brought the papers.
After studying the reports they were shocked to know that Amayra had undergone a liver transplant in Life Care Hospital as her liver was not working properly which was detected in her full body checkup after admission in the hospital. “But who gave me the liver, check for the name of the donor in the reports” asked Amayra to Ahaan to which he replied that the donor donated on a condition that his name won’t be disclosed to anyone. “Please contact that surgeon and fix a meeting as soon as possible, Ahaan!” she asked and Ahaan did the same and they left for the hospital.

“I had undergone a liver transplant here at that time according to my reports, is it true? If yes, please tell me the details of the donor” said Amayra to the doctor.
“Yes, it’s true but I can’t share donor’s details and anyways it barely matters now after this long” the doctor insisted.
“It might not matter to you but it matters to me” shouted Amayra before breaking down on account of hopes being thrashed again and again.
The doctor seeing her vulnerable situation decided to tell the whole truth he knew to them and said, “The donor was none other than your friend Kabir, you required a forty five percent replacement of your liver and a normal healthy person can’t donate any more than twenty five percent in normal circumstances and asking for 45% donation is seriously dangerous to donor himself despite the regeneration and self healing abilities of liver” said the doctor.
“If this is the case why did you accepted his proposal of donation, how can you break your own norms and risk some other person’s life to save another’s” shouted Amayra.
The doctor told her to calm down and listen the complete facts as he was not done yet to which Amayra nodded in acceptance.
“I rejected his proposal of donation in the first place and told him it’s dangerous to his own life but he said he is going to die anyways as he suffered from last stage brain tumor and it’s better that one dies instead of two. So, I asked him to bring his reports for confirmation of his tumor which he submitted on the next morning itself and I initiated the process of your transplant” said the doctor and continued “He told me not to tell you anything about it till you are in the hospital and he will himself tell you at the correct time, so I didn’t talked to you about all this and we lied that you met with a small accident and were unconscious from past twenty four hours, but actually you were unconscious for about a week in our surveillance.”
All this information the doctor gave them became a burden on her as she was gifted her life a person whom she herself left. “Can you please provide us with any contact details of him, I know we can’t say if he is even alive today or not, and even if alive where he stays, but I want to try each and every possible chance of meeting him and know what happened to him” said Amayra requesting the doctor.
“I was told by him that he will leave for Sydney for his treatment, but I don’t think he would have survived considering his situation, I can provide you with the address where he last stayed before leaving, so you can go to his home and try if you get some information about his whereabouts” the doctor added.
Amayra and Ahaan took the address, thanked the doctor and left for Kabir’s home.

They reached Kabir’s home and found a big house by seeing the condition of which one can easily infer that it was not properly maintained from decades.

#Doorbell rings
An old man opened the door to whom they both asked if it was Kabir’s house? To which the old man replied yes and insisted them to come inside. The old man served them some water and asked them who were they and what they wanted? “We are Kabir’s old friends, who are you?” asked Ahaan. “I’m Kabir sahib’s servant and now the caretaker of this house, but I doubt you both as his friends as if you are his friends how come you don’t know about his death?” said the caretaker which made both of them a little anxious. He further added “Don’t worry I know you, I knew Kabir sahib more than anyone, he was mostly quiet during his last days spending time gazing your pictures and writing diary in his room. He loved you more than anything in this world I must say” said the old man. “He gave me the responsibility of his cremation and this house, I took great care of it but I am also old now” he added.
“Can we see his room?” asked Amayra. “Yeah why not, come this side” said the caretaker while guiding them.
The room was filled with books in shelves and Amayra’s pictures on walls. Amayra somehow controlled her emotions and both tried to find something of help to them.
Suddenly Amayra saw Kabir’s diary and she picked it up to read it. It was very old with pages turned yellowish.
A line “An excerpt from a book I’ll never write….” was written on the first page of the diary. Amayra started to read it.
The best way to tell a lie is to first live it before you tell it.”
Today doctors at City Hospital told me that she has had a liver failure and needs urgent transplant.
I know I am doing wrong, hiding her family’s phone calls and not telling them what all is happening but I have no other option. How can I tell them she has had a liver failure and she’s on the verge of dying.

#Next date on diary
I told them to take parts of my liver but they didn’t accepted, as 45% donation of liver was dangerous to my life, only if they knew nothing could be more dangerous than Amayra dying and leaving me.
If she dies I die, but if I die she lives…..and I’m not letting her die.
So, I decided to take her to a different hospital but I came to know her reports have already been given to doctors in GNC hospital which means that they have our case history. I don’t want her to know what all happened to her.
Thus I am left with no option than to take her to a hospital which has no case history of our’s, so I can execute my plans easily, hence I gave ransom to driver and receptionist to remove all of her data from the database of City Hospital, including the reports that showed the need of her liver transplant. Now, she has no case history which means she will have a history which I give her.
She has lost memories of the past six months due to the accident, which is a blessing in disguise for me as now Amayra will believe everything I say, which will make things easier for me.

#Next date on diary
Finally her liver transplant is successful.
I visited the doctor today for my checkup. I think even the Gods don’t want us to be together, the condition of my liver is deteriorating instead of improving.

#Next date on diary
Today I talked to her in way I would never even talk to her in my wildest dreams, but I am left with no other option cause if I tell her I am dying she’ll come so more much close to me in two days that she hasn’t been in the past two years. I have only one task left now and that is to make her move on from my death, even before I die. Yes, I’m dying, this bloody liver isn’t regenerating and healing.

#Next date on diary
I know things are getting hard for her as she is not able to understand why I’m behaving like this, but I need to do that so she finally starts to hate me, because I know her she’ll never move on if she comes to know the truth. Tomorrow I’ll make her believe that I have some other girl in  my life and that would be my final attempt and maybe that would be the last time I see her.

#Next date on diary
I was there seeing her leave me and going away but I couldn’t do anything about it. I stood there for hours even after she faded in the crowd. Probably I wanted to see her again but in my mind I knew something……
“A person who leaves you in anger might come back, but a person who leaves you with a sad smile is never returning”
It is for sure now, that the most beautiful things in life are also the most dangerous one’s to life!

As she was busy reading the diary with a heavy heart, Ahaan called her loudly as he found something.
“Hey Amayra look what I found!” he shouted
“What?” she reverted.
“These are Kabir’s medical case papers and his laptop” said Ahaan.
“So, what’s so strange in them?” she asked
“Are you sure you want to see it?” said Ahaan in a concerned tone.
“Yes, at any cost” said Amayra and took the papers and laptop from him. She was shocked and the world stopped for her as she broke down into tears when she saw all those papers and his laptop. Those were old reports of people suffering for brain tumor and it was clear as crystal that he made his own fake reports with their help. “He never suffered from brain tumor, he just did it so he could donate me his liver as doctors would allow donation only from a person who was dying in any case” she said while talking to herself.
Ahaan comforted her as they left and while thinking something Amayra told herself…….
                                                  “I was never bad at analyzing people”

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